Being (somewhat) Crazy means..

… I’m ending the domination of the anankastic 'trait', and cutting it to the level where it only a little bit above the histrionic. And I’m adding a little schizotypal tinge. This means I’m gonna do less binge-e-book-download when I’m anxious, make less lists, and I wouldn’t mind having the shape of my cluster of nasi goreng asymmetrical. I would also make more associations out of things that aren’t quite immediately correlating (I’ll keep it within the context of science, to be safe), observe details in a more holistic manner, and allow more fluctuations in expressing my own emotions. I’m not gonna be all frantic and/or reactive, but if I do want to react to something, I’ll definitely let you know.

  

the drawing and coloring work, before and after :)

… I believe even less in a magic fix, even when it’s somehow trending, and am willing to do things with even more intense determination when it’s really worth it. By “worth it” I’m not talking about how people might comment to the outcome because I hardly care, but it’s gonna be something that’s.. you know, worth it.

… I will still sing, dance, and cry to the music, and I don’t plan to stop doing so in the name of growing up. If ever I had kid(s) someday, I’d not only allow her/him/them to do the same thing, I’d teach her/him/them how and make sure she/he/they know what it is for. This also means that I will do music every day for at least 15 minutes no matter what, that I will check concert schedules to see if there’s anything interesting nearby, or even somewhere a bit far when it’s… you know, worth it. I might also do some coloring :D

… I’m regaining that (silent) pride of being able to do the small silly things that other people can’t do because they’re busy doing big things; but of course it’ll come sporadically and somewhat spontaneously. This might mean that if you’re a dear friend, for example, I would just come to your door in the middle of the night to bring you bakmi dukduk when you casually says that you kinda miss your late SO and that time when you both ate bakmi dukduk. If you’re a stranger, I might send you something as a giveaway present, with no apparent reason. If you’re male, my age, not carrying axe around to murder people nor do crime whatsoever, and happen to be cute, I might even have a date out with you and wouldn’t bother if I got no news from you afterwards. Oh. And I might also be more serious about modifying some clothes in the ways I’m more comfortable with.

Being (somewhat) crazy means I’m back in the game, and now I’m stronger. 

*background music: the chorus of The Real Group’s “The Wonderful World of Sports”