Redefining dreams

I guess it was probably four or five years ago when I listed the top three of my dreams as follows: 1) Having and maintaining my own center of music therapy; 2) Working in a well-standardized music therapy center; 3) Being a dedicated psychiatrist. In that scheme, if number one didn’t work, I’d settle for number 2, and if number 2 didn’t work, I’d settle for number 3. That was before I found out that life can be so much of a challenge, I suppose. Haha.

Lately, as I have more things figured out, especially the fact that my field is a super vast field, those dreams do need redefining. If I were younger, I’d probably see this as a significant inconsistency that deserves ‘punishment’ in term of me feeling so much like banging my head to the wall.. but I’m not like that anymore XD I have learnt at least these two things: 1) living a life to the fullest means that basically I need to continuously adjust and adapt to changes. While there aren’t many that I can do to prevent things from changing, I guess I still can preserve that sense of ‘independence’ and ‘having a free will’ by consciously opting only for those changes that fit me best; 2) A dream is most likely to become reality when it’s…. realistic. So again, since reality tends to change from time to time, so should dreams.

While I’m quite aware that some people might think, “ngapain sih Inke cerewet amat, kaya gini aja dipikirin. Hidup yang biasa-biasa aja kenapa sih?” I still don’t feel like giving up or not talking about this, because those people wouldn’t pick up the pieces of my head when it exploded anyway, so screw them.

So here’s what I know so far.

One, I’m not gonna be a music therapist. I like measurable outcomes and when I have adequate modalities to cover most things to make it work, and I’m way far from even having one modality to get this music therapy work, so I’m not doing it. I also found out that I like to be somewhere in the middle of the system, so having my own ‘institution’ might not fit me best.

Two, I’m gonna be a psychiatrist, but still I need to further determine what part of psychiatry that I want to work on deepening further. Three subjects are appealing: 1) cross-cultural/community psychiatry; 2) psychotherapy; 3) medical education. To this point, I’m most interested in the last one, but that might not fit really well with what I’m aiming in the long shot: living in Geneva or somewhere in Scandinavia. I haven’t been to those two places, but in my current view, those places are relatively neutral and free of discrimination shit, so they might be good for child rearing XD

I don’t know. Maybe I’m actually just craving for that thing called a peace of mind :p

Three, I’m now keeping the #LivingInEurope, so it’s not gonna be just #Europe2017. While I’m not seeing how I’m actually gonna get there, I can kind of see myself being there, so... I’m keeping this alive for a while. Until I have lost sight of me being there, or maybe until I better see myself in another place and time. Let’s see later, I’m flexible :D