Music contemplation – part 3A: talent vs hardwork (story about me :p)

WARNING: This part is actually the crappiest part so far. Feel free to skip this. It’ll cost you no santet. Seriously.

The first part is available here (in English) or here (in BahasaIndonesia)

The second part is available here (in English) or here (in BahasaIndonesia)

coco the nylon guitar

I rarely consider myself as someone musically talented since i guess i’m not. When i was about eleven or twelve, i was kinda crazy about Hanson. In my term, ‘crazy’ didn’t necessarily mean that i bought every magazine that gave Hanson’s pin-up picture as bonus, remembering the members’ birthday + full name + the names of their siblings, or always in touch with the latest news about them. ‘Crazy’ means I’m trying to be like them, at least part of them: i spent hours to get all the lyrics in the album “Middle of Nowhere” memorized, follow their way-of-singing to the smallest improvisation, and also tried to find the chords of their songs with Coco the nylon guitar who hadn’t got her name at that time. My mother who probably concerned about those hours-consuming activities then told me (in order to stop me from doing those things (obsessively), i guess :p),

“Jadi orang tu yang realistis. Kamu tu beda sama Hanson. Mereka punya bakat, kamu enggak. Mau kamu belajar sekeras apapun, kamu nggak akan bisa kaya mereka.” 

I believed her without doubt but i didn’t really care, actually. At that time, i didn’t get the concept of talent at all (and i still don’t really get it until today, btw). I just thought that i loved doing the things, so why not just do it? That simple. I just realized that my mom’s statement somehow affected me so much when i was about 21 or 22 –ten years later- and was undergoing my third/fourth year in PSM UGM. Lucky for me, though, since i believe that all that parents do were for the goodness their children –and in the case of my parents, that is indeed the fact- somehow the statement gave me good effects too :D

Two places where i spent most times as 21

I spent most of my time being 21 years old in Gelanggang Mahasiswa UGM or kantor rektorat. Singing, playing a little piano (for tuning in and vocal range checking purposes only :p), rapat panitia ACG/pengurus harian, ngangkring, bersih-bersih dan merapikan sekre, ngurus proposal PSM, etc. During those solo times of bersih bersih / merapikan sekre or nunggu proposal di rektorat, i often ask myself, “is this the right thing(s) to do? Why don’t i even question ‘what (the hell) actually am i doing’?” The answer was always the same: because i enjoy doing it (yes, including the bersih-bersih part :P), and i had i to do what i like to do or i’ll get depressed. I enjoy taking care of something –PSM UGM, in this case- as a whole, even when the work was not always easy. It’s challenging, and i enjoy challenges for as long as it was related to things i like. On one of those moments of questioning, a thought came up and it said, “maybe because i want to proove to my mom that even though i don’t have talent, with hard work, i can still catch up with the talented ones.” And somehow that thought seemed rationally correct...

When i was 22 and had started to seriously write my (already-too-late) skripsi, and looked back to my early days in PSM, somehow i just realized that i had worked harder in practice singing than most people there, and surprisingly, i enjoyed the every bit of it :) Writing skripsi then became something –like- torturing since it kept me away from my singing days *sob*. 

I spent my first three years in PSM UGM with a number of bolos latihan of less than 10 each year. I spent times outside the routine schedule to practice songs (alone or with some helps from my choir mates), listened to some mp3 samples, and wrote analyses of things i’ve listened to. I sang during my walk here and there to improve my breathing, I put my own notes on scores we were practicing to improve my understanding on dynamics. I also did some google search for translation of songs written in language other than english/indonesian, and also to better understand the background for the creation of the song. Sometimes i shared my findings, but from time to time i realized that only little really bother about what they were singing for as long as the audience cheers, so i rarely share. You can find it by googling, anyway.

Still, i did what i did. And the result was, i never failed any audition for PSM UGM team for the competition. Never got the highest score, of course, but it was kinda relieving when in one audition, the note from MW concerning my audition was something like, “lumayan, tapi kurang banter.” I consider that as relieving because i assumed that the written note was supposed to be the biggest flaw and when my flaw was “kurang banter”, that meant that i didn’t make any significant technical flaw, and so i didn’t need to switch ‘career’. I could still sing, even when i’m not talented. With continous practice, my voice would soon be banter dewe so no need to worry lah.

And so, i survived PSM UGM. I was an active member for approximately four years, with some sporadic intense involvement in some events for the next two years after those four. And that was not because i was a good (a.k.a talented) singer, but because i was a diligent attendant. As a diligent attendant, my current –so called- (good) voice is just what i deserve: it’s a result of a kinda long and intense process of learning. Plus, by being a diligent attendant, more people will count on you. When people started counting on you, it’ll increase the probability of you being able to count on them and that’s nice :) Besides, what’s the use of being a magnificently talented singer if you’re never present, right? 

Later on when I joined Eternal Choir –a community-based choir in Jogjakarta that was considered to be ‘occupied’ by talented people- and survived, i guess this was also not because of my talent. I survived becauseTata loves me because i let her call me “Mbak Ingkel” instead of the correct “Mbak Inke”. Seriously. If you don’t believe me, go ask mas Heni Primastono. He’s Tata’s father.

Well.

Seems that this note is quite much and become boring already. Let’s stop it here and wait up for part 3B containing lessons from musicians and TV, concerning this “talent vs hardwork” topic.

 To be continued to "music contemplation - part 3B"