throwing good things into trash

I asked so many why’s (and dres many schemes, write pages of notes) when i was about to make decision about where i would bring my life to. In the end, those why’s ended up in trash. With one ‘click’, i work in where-i-am-about-to-work just like that. It’s sad to see all those ‘magnificent’ considerations being thrown into trash, but sometimes that just what life is about: making choice. And being consequent with it. Well. I’m trying.

I wrote so many posts in my FS blog. Suddenly FS was redesigning and all those posts were gone just like that. It’s sad to see all those ‘magnificent’ ideas disappear, but sometimes that just what life is about: losing. And there’s nothing i can really do other than accepting it. Well. I’m trying.

I made so many friends and connections here in Jogja. I learnt many knowledges, did stuffs i didn’t imagine i could do, became things i never thought i could be ... i may benefit from may of those. Suddenly i have to move out and leave them all behind just like that. It’s sad to somehow feel that i’ll miss them and maybe they’ll miss me too, but sometimes that just what life is about: missing. And realizing that past may be an origin from what i’m now, but doesn’t necessarily need to stay with me –like- all the time. Well. I’m trying. 

I don’t know.

I mean, i don’t know many things on earth, of course, but rarely that i don’t know what i think i need to know. Rarely that i don’t know what i think i need to do. That is why a situation like this is kinda confusing for me, actually.

However, i’ve put kinda many good things into trash. Some ‘pemulung’ may take those good stuffs and may benefit from it, so .. i guess it’s not really bad that i put things into trash. Maybe it’s even better because usually i keep the good things for myself –my own benefit- and when i throw good things away, i can actually share. And when i share, i may give benefit to others.

So.

Maybe it’s not a bad idea. And if indeed i’m doing something good, maybe God will pay me in return. I may gain goodness. Well. Who knows...

Maybe He wants me to be in a place that is not so socially full so that i can spend more time on writing and music learning and/or making. Or finding ways to send “pelet” to Sweden.

Maybe He wants to really piss me off, so pissed off that i finnally explode and throw out all that i’ve kept inside so i may find relieve

Maybe He wants me to be in a place where i can save most of my income so that i could finally apply for having a credit card and being able to buy some precious DVD or scores *mata ijo liat partitur*

Maybe He wants me to be in a place where i don’t have a strong-enough reason to not learn how to drive because He wants me to be even more independent and useful

Maybe He wants me to go to somewhere more east so i can get a littloe close to Sweden *err...

Well I don’t know. I guess not exactly any of those since He always has His own surprises. But surprise is good. And He’s good, so.. I guess I’m gonna be just good :D

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Meskipun Pluto tak lagi dianggap planet, om AE tetep idolaku

*nggak ada hubungannya si