there isn’t such thing as “a small job” :p

I don’t think i often mouth it out loud a lot, but to some extent, i kinda believe that there isn’t such thing as “a small job”. Of course there’re ups and downs in any belief, including this one. Let’s have a look at the down side first. This belief could probably be the very reason why i seem to be continously in some sort of trouble about making priorities. Haha. From the time i can’t really remember when, i guess I’ve always been a busy person. Either it’s seriously busy or I make myself busy, there’s hardly a time in my life when I can do nothing for a long while, and nothing happens. I enjoy having my life going that way. Even though I surely need to further improve my priority-making ability, i guess i’ve been getting better from time to time, and i manage kinda well. Not entirely well, but.. my works are pretty much done, I’m still having an average of 6-7 hours for sleeping each day, I’m generally happy.. so let’s just say it as “kinda well”.

One thing I do to stay busy: admiring the sea, and... pose :D

Anyway, it’s not the down side of that belief that i want to focus on, it’s the up side instead. Maybe the reason I still hold that belief after that lots of troubles it cost me is the fact that those troubles are in fact have much less significance than the benefits. So what are the benefits? Let’s have a look..

Some people may get more nervous when dealing with the so called “big job”, in which the nervousness predispose them to ruining it. Well, I don’t. I treat small and big jobs with similar tense, so I don’t actually distinguish the tense between the two. There was this conducting job I did when I was in my internship days. It was an opening of a seminar or such, and I was requested to conduct the audience to sing the national anthem “Indonesia Raya”. For me, it was nothing more than another ceremonies –17an, Hari Pendidikan Nasional, Hari Pahlawan, Sumpah Pemuda, Hari Kebangkitan Nasional.. all those national days, you name it – my university choir sang at those days every year. I was also a bit oh-please-deh-biasa-aja-kale when many people seemed to be anxious about the extra security sistem that was placed in the entrance of the seminar room; i felt it was just like the system in the airport, and when we do nothing wrong, then there should be no reason to get anxious, right? And so I did my job, just like what I did on other ceremonies. Only when my professor –who happened to be at that seminar as well– approached me and said, “Wah. Hebat kamu, ndirijen di depan Pak Wakil Presiden. Gimana tadi rasanya? Gugup nggak?”; and also when some friends who joined the seminar excitedly told me, “huwaaa Inke tampil di depan Pak Wakil Presideeeen >.< mupeeeng”... I kinda thought that...  “Oh right. That is Vice President.” It’s not that I didn’t know that the vice president would be there, but... my job there was doing the conducting. I would’ve conducted the same way either the VP is there or not, so.. i guess my indifference had saved me from unnecessary anxiety. That’s benefit number one.

Another example was those jobs we (my university choir) had as backing vocals for pop artists. It was usually that so called “big job” with the best pay, and a favorite to many members of the choir. Well. I hate those jobs. Haha. I have at least three reasons for feeling that way: 1) the song rarely gave any challenge when studying it, nothing to really learn about the song; 2) i consider the preparation –make up, dress, and the seemingly endless waiting time– as too complicated for such short performance, and when the preparation was complicated already, nobody then really gave a f about the singing; 3) those singers rarely had better voices than we were! He/she should’ve been the backing vocals, and one of us should take the lead instead. Haha.  So. It was just another stage, that shape my musical experience as a whole, but there’s nothing to brag about.  I wasn’t too excited about the job, so I didn’t talk a lot about it. Other people, who might excitedly tell their friends or families, “eh aku habis nyanyi bareng artis X loooooh” yet got ‘suboptimal’ response, might feel disappointed. So at this point, i guess my indifference saved me from disappointment. That’s benefit number two.

The new translation project, wish me luck ;)

Benefit number three, the indifference allows me to continously appreciate even the most regular silly things, and when you appreciate, being grateful turns quite easy. When you’re easily grateful, you’re easily happy. I believe that small things are building blocks for something big; and that many times, small or big is just a matter of context. My translating activity, for example. First time I did it, I did it merely for money, and if i got lucky, maybe i could learn a little from what I have translated. I did it wholeheartedly, though, because after few articles, it turned out to be something interesting, something I enjoy doing regularly. I guess it’s only last year that I casually counted how many articles that I have translated, and turn out that it has reached 300 something in three years. Then I got my first book translation job. My parents who already had the same job, got excited for seeing their kid doing something they also do. I got excited too, because it kinda convinced me bahwa saya bukan anak pungut. Bwahahaha. Two weeks ago, I got my second book translation job, and I was damn excited. I’ve just started to do it, and I’m still quite excited :D

So. Those things i regularly did merely in the name of survival, has become a kinda decent career. It’s not a one-big-life-changing shot, it’s an accumulation of lots of small shots. There’s also this silly dream I always have: to be able to have proper salary aside of being a doctor and Pegawai Negeri Sipil (PNS)... with my view of possible careers at that time, that idea was quite impossible. Life, however, always finds its way to show that things aren’t always as they seem. What I think is big, may be a small thing for others. What I think is insignificant at this time, may turn out to be my-whole-world at other time. Again, it depends on the context, I rarely really know. So yes, I’ll  just appreciate whatever I have, and put aside the envy and/or jealousy of longing for those I don’t. At the end of the day, HE always knows best about everything. I don’t need to guess His plan, we don’t need to speculate.. that’ll be too tiring. I’ll just believe while keep working. Well. I guess :p

P.S: Pardon the blabber. I haven't written for quite a long time, it takes some time to regain some degree of writing efficiency :p