This photo was taken when I wore this blue dress for the first time on a Friday. The day when -during one 30ish minutes period- I happened to be a 'training object' for a colleague who's practicing hypnosis. The kind of hypnosis that involved me to be requested to remember the so-called happiest moment in life I could remember to somehow help me relax and hypnotized. The moment when what I remembered as the so-called happiest moment in life was the moment when I was with someone whom later (until today) I refer to as something like "Si Kampret Busuk Kutukupret" (would be referred to as KBK if mentioned again; not to be confused with Kurikulum Berbasis Kompetensi, please) because at that time, that was what I recalled as the happiest moment in life indeed. Maybe because one occasion when that moment happened was only like hours away before I put on that dress, so it was really recent and it kind of still lingered.
Maybe a few hours after that hypnosis, however, that effin' KBK sent me a news that just turned the so-called happiest into the so-called saddest. I was kind of broken down into pieces, totally shocked, and also very angry and at that time it just felt damn unacceptable. Added with the next day when some unfortunate things happened as well, actually I was somewhat surprised that I came out alive from those days.
Life went on.
Well. And so did the KBK-related misery. The misery that somehow coincided with a psychoanalysis training in which I was a trainee and again, a 'simulated patient' in which I had one hour to be analysed. While again, wearing that blue dress on the photo. Had another cry. Felt another loss for starting to realise that.. that 'pattern' that was kind of newly emerged due to the induction from those KBK-related stories, was somehow the very pattern I would need to let go like a.s.a.p. Otherwise, I would end up being destructive to myself. That might be the last thing on my mind, and I just thought.. "No, that's not gonna happen. I'm gonna stand up stronger, and I'm so coming out alive from these days"
So again, life went on.
The misery gradually changed form to 'simply' being considered as a harder way of learning, but it might not be that bad anyway. Losing is not that bad either because sometimes it means that there's some space to be filled with something new. Something.. or some things, that are just.. new. The new things, the new me; the new person who can tell herself, "I am now out from that era of uncertainty, alive, and let's just keep it that way"
So.. life does go on.
Things change, they come and go. The old me has gone, and the new me has been reborn to come to stay, and no gap is unfilled. Old memories have gone, and the new ones would come replacing; the ones that help me to be a better benefit for myself and my surrounding, the ones that I need better. Even the blue dress will soon go, and maybe the new and brighter ones would come also. So...
Begitulah.
Sepertinya saya akan kembali ke jalan yang benar dengan memperbanyak kontak dengan KBK yang ori, alias yang "Kurikulum Berbasis Kompetensi", bukan yang KW dan akhirnya malah tidak jelas dan -to some extent- malah agak sosiopat, mungkin. Saya akan tinggalkan hal-hal yang memang perlu ditinggalkan. Blue (-partially-blue-ocean-related) memories, blue eyes, blue dress (dan mungkin baju jaga biru juga segera :p); semoga yang menyebalkan tidak berulang, sehingga cukup satu kali saja saya perlu bilang,
"Bye bye, Blue! Hope to never see you again!"
Life went on.
Well. And so did the KBK-related misery. The misery that somehow coincided with a psychoanalysis training in which I was a trainee and again, a 'simulated patient' in which I had one hour to be analysed. While again, wearing that blue dress on the photo. Had another cry. Felt another loss for starting to realise that.. that 'pattern' that was kind of newly emerged due to the induction from those KBK-related stories, was somehow the very pattern I would need to let go like a.s.a.p. Otherwise, I would end up being destructive to myself. That might be the last thing on my mind, and I just thought.. "No, that's not gonna happen. I'm gonna stand up stronger, and I'm so coming out alive from these days"
So again, life went on.
The misery gradually changed form to 'simply' being considered as a harder way of learning, but it might not be that bad anyway. Losing is not that bad either because sometimes it means that there's some space to be filled with something new. Something.. or some things, that are just.. new. The new things, the new me; the new person who can tell herself, "I am now out from that era of uncertainty, alive, and let's just keep it that way"
So.. life does go on.
Things change, they come and go. The old me has gone, and the new me has been reborn to come to stay, and no gap is unfilled. Old memories have gone, and the new ones would come replacing; the ones that help me to be a better benefit for myself and my surrounding, the ones that I need better. Even the blue dress will soon go, and maybe the new and brighter ones would come also. So...
Begitulah.
Sepertinya saya akan kembali ke jalan yang benar dengan memperbanyak kontak dengan KBK yang ori, alias yang "Kurikulum Berbasis Kompetensi", bukan yang KW dan akhirnya malah tidak jelas dan -to some extent- malah agak sosiopat, mungkin. Saya akan tinggalkan hal-hal yang memang perlu ditinggalkan. Blue (-partially-blue-ocean-related) memories, blue eyes, blue dress (dan mungkin baju jaga biru juga segera :p); semoga yang menyebalkan tidak berulang, sehingga cukup satu kali saja saya perlu bilang,
"Bye bye, Blue! Hope to never see you again!"
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